For the past few months, I must say I have forgotten. Those times I was able to go on with my life without having a glimpse of thinking what I leave from my past. Time has almost healed the pain I have wanted to conceal even the memories that I wished to escape.  For a while, I felt the tranquility and serenity I have been yearning.  Therefore, I have been convinced that I am perfectly fine. And that I, myself, has already moved on.

With extreme, deep and profound affection that has filled my heart; I strongly resisted what I really feel not for martyrdom but the belief to gain the happiness I deserved. I was indeed struggling during that adjustment phase where I had to give up the sincerest and purest emotion that I have. I did everything in my will to go through with it. I have done the best forms of entertainment just to get away. Luckily with my sacrifices and perseverance, I achieved the distraction that I want. There came to an instant that I don’t even recall any from the past.

Several peaceful months have passed; I am greatly persuaded that everything will never be the same. I felt within me that something has really changed. I could identify the difference as how I was before. I have known very well to myself that I will forget completely and let it be no more.

Just who would have thought that through the months I have been impeccably alright, the memories of the past will haunt me at present. My firm stand suddenly began to fade and wither as I have been reminded of every good thing from the past; the happiest and indelible happenings and experiences that I had cherished before. I tried to withstand and neglect the sensation but unconsciously it has already reached my inmost mind and heart. A spellbinding and stinging effect has struck me. I have sensed a weakening and compelling consequence that almost made me shatter and breakdown.

Confusion and perplexity dominated in me which hindered me to decide which side to choose. As another day has come and drew me every detail of it and I have seen how vivid it was into my eyes. Until one day I could not take it anymore. I have realized that after all the deniability, I have to be truthful. With bravery, I will confess that I was indeed mistaken for it has never vanished. The feelings I had is still here just resting in its idleness.


The return

I can feel that you are about to return

Probably not yet by this time

But surely the soonest will I learn

All those movements evidently mime

Retrospecting myself I am not numb

Just so you know I’m placid yet apprehensive 

With things you’ve done I cannot sum

Lest you state your true intention and objective

Don’t ask me what I feel about it

I may not answer you to please

Because my mind’s baffled a bit

Still flabbergasted by piece